Fairy Tale Mishaps
by professorfrink
Summary: what happens when fairy tale's get together. read and review!


_**Fairy Tale Mishaps**_

_**By: Andrea Gordon**_

_The characters for this play are: __**Jack, Jack, Hansel, Little Red Riding Hood, Opera Windfrey, Harley Davidson, Cinderella, Belle, Belle, Queen Of Hearts, Rapunzel and Sleeping Beauty.**_

_(Our scene begins with OPERA WINDFREY sitting in a chair. Behind her, all the fairy tale people are in a frozen position.)_

**OPERA WINDFREY**

Hello! My name is Opera Windfrey and I'm your host for today. If you have any questions, please ask the front desk. Today I will be the story about Little Red Riding Hood.

_(All the other characters leave except LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD. She un-freezes and waves at the audience.)_

**LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD**

Sup, y'all? My name is- well actually, I don't really have a name. Why me?

**OPERA WINDFREY**

No one knows, Red. Anyway, Little red riding hood was-

**LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD**

Hey! Don't say I'm little! Just because I'm shorter then you doesn't mean that I have to be _little_. And about that wolf. Where is he when you need him? I need him as a lawyer to sue YOU!

_(LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD exits. OPERA WINDFREY is silent for a second, then starts again with a different story.)_

**OPERA WINDFREY**

Okay. That was interesting. Let's try "_Hansel And Gretel_". This one should be easier.

_(HANSEL walks on looking around.)_

**HANSEL**

Have you seen Gretel? I've been looking for her for a really long time.

**OPERA WINDFREY**

No, I haven't seen her.

**HANSEL**

Darn! Do you think she's still at that evil lady's sweet but evil house?

**OPERA WINDFREY**

Probably.

**HANSEL**

Oh, good. I better look for her before mom finds out.

_(HANSEL runs off.)_

**OPERA WINDFREY**

This is getting interesting. Let's try "Jack and the Beanstalk." Mm-hmm. Jack was-

**JACK**

Shhhh! I'm not Jack!

**OPERA WINDFREY**

Yes you are. It says right here in the story.

**JACK**

No! I'm Rumplestilskin! Rumplestilskin!

**OPERA WINDFREY**

I'm sorry, but-

**JACK**

Shhhhh! Let me spin straw into gold for you. Maybe that will make you be quiet! By the way, have you seen a giant?

_(JACK runs away to go look for the giant.)_

**OPERA WINDFREY**

Ugh! This is getting tiring! Maybe Sleeping Beauty might have something.

_(SLEEPING BEAUTY wakes up, suddenly hearing her name. She stretches, yawns and gets up.)_

**SLEEPING BEAUTY**

What did ya want me for? I was trying to get my beauty sleep! And my name is Aurora.

**OPERA WINDFREY**

Sorry. I was trying to tell a story.

**SLEEPING BEAUTY**

Good. I just love stories!

_(SLEEPING BEAUTY sits in front of OPERA WINDFREY. She shakes her head and moves on to the next story. SLEEPING BEAUTY lies down on the floor and snores loudly.)_

**OPERA WINDFREY**

Now I shall try "Cinderella."

**CINDERELLA**

Yeah?

**OPERA WINDFREY**

Yeah what?

**CINDERELLA**

I heard my name.

**OPERA WINDFREY**

So? I'm telling a story about you.

**CINDERELLA**

About me? Oh I'm flattered. Have you seen my shoe?

**OPERA WINDFREY**

No I haven't. I'm sorry.

**CINDERELLA**

Fine. I'll look for it myself!

_(CINDERELLA storms off.)_

**OPERA WINDFREY**

Maybe I should tell a nursery rhyme instead. Jack and Jill.

**JACK**

Stop looking at me. Why are you all looking at me?

**OPERA WINDFREY**

Uh...Jack? Are you Okay?

**JACK**

Jack? Whose Jack? Oh, right, me. Heh, heh. Stop talking to me! No, I'm not going to a gym after this. Why don't you go?

**OPERA WINDFREY**

Jack? Who are you talking to? And where's Jill?

**JACK**

Jill? There is no Jill in my life. The little voice told me. Who are you, and what are you doing here?

**OPERA WINDFREY**

Okay. This story is over. Let's go to _Beauty and the Beast._

_(JACK is dragged away shouting at the voices inside his head. COUNTRY BELLE walks in and starts to sing.)_

**COUNTRY BELLE**_**(singing)**_

Little town, it's a quiet village.

_(JACK runs in.)_

**JACK**

Little town, it's a quiet village. Little town, like the one before. Little town, the people say-

**COUNTRY BELLE**

Hey! This is my song! Go away!

**JACK**

The little voice told me to.

**COUNTRY BELLE**

Whatever! I'm leaving!

_(JACK sadly walks away. BELLE AT THE BALL runs in.)_

**BELLE AT THE BALL**

No! You can't leave! You become me! If you're not here, I'm not here!

**COUNTRY BELLE**

I'm sorry, but I don't want to be here any more!

**BELLE AT THE BALL**

Why does this always have to happen? Why, why?

_(COUNTRY BELLE walks off. BELLE AT THE BALL runs off crying.)_

**OPERA WINDFREY**

All righty then. Moving on.

_(SLEEPING BEAUTY wakes up. She looks around, confused.)_

**SLEEPING BEAUTY**

This isn't my room!

_(SLEEPING BEAUTY storms off.)_

**OPERA WINDFREY**

I'm telling now: _Alice In Wonderland._

**QUEEN OF HEARTS**

Have you seen Alice? Where is that girl? She still owes me a croquet game! Off with her head!

_(QUEEN OF HEARTS runs off, looking for Alice.)_

**OPERA WINDFREY**

Where is that Professor Davidson when you need him?

_(HARLEY DAVIDSON, who has been off this whole time, runs on. He is wearing a lab coat.)_

**HARLEY DAVIDSON**

You called?

**OPERA WINDFREY**

Ah. There you are, Harley. I've been waiting for you.

**HARLEY DAVIDSON**

Yeah, sure you were. And it's Professor Davidson. Not Harley Davidson.

**OPERA WINDFREY**

But that's your name.

**HARLEY DAVIDSON**

Well, what did you want?

**OPERA WINDFREY**

I was wondering if---

**HARLEY DAVIDSON**

Wondering? That's what everybody does now a days! Wonder! If I had...

_(His voice trails off as he leaves. OPERA WINDFREY has one last story to tell.)_

**OPERA WINDFREY**

Finally, our last story. "Rapunzel."

**RAPUNZEL**

Don't read the story right.

**OPERA WINDFREY**

Huh?

**RAPUNZEL**

Don't read the story right!

**OPERA WINDFREY**

Why?

**RAPUNZEL**

Because every time people read Rapunzel, that horrible prince comes and pulls on my hair. That really hurts! You have no idea what a 178 lb. man feels like on your head! It really hurts!

**OPERA WINDFREY**

Okay. But I still have to read-

**RAPUNZEL**

Nevermind. I'll just hide myself from that prince so he can't find me.

**OPERA WINDFREY**

Fine. _(Looks at her watch.) _Look at the time! Yay! It's time for my coffee break!

_(OPERA WINDFREY gets up and leaves for a while.)_

_**AD-LIB NEXT SCENES!**_

_(JACK starts the closing scene huddled in a corner. JACK is right next to him.)_

**JACK**

You're Jack, and I'm Jack. Whoa! This is one crazy mixed up world I live in.

**JACK**

But I'm not Jack! I'm Rumplestilskin!

**JACK**

Shhhhh! They don't know that!

**JACK**

But they're supposed to!

**JACK**

Well, they don't.

_(JACK gets up because he hears the giant's voice. His disguise falls off in the mean time.)_

**JACK**

Ahhh! I'm still Rumplestilskin!

**JACK**

Ahhhhh! You melted! Ahhhhhhh!

_(JACK screams one more time then runs away. COUNTRY BELLE walks on.)_

**COUNTRY BELLE**

My, my! That was a huge castle! Where'd the other me go?

_(COUNTRY BELLE walks off. BELLE AT THE BALL runs on.)_

**BELLE AT THE BALL**

Where did I go? Oh, it's the fifth grade Shakespeare play all over again!

_(She exits. QUEEN OF HEARTS walks on with CINDERELLA.)_

**QUEEN OF HEARTS**

So, I hear you're good at cleaning.

**CINDERELLA**

I'm pretty good. My sisters always tease me about it.

**QUEEN OF HEARTS**

That's all right. You can work for me any day.

**CINDERELLA**

Really?

**QUEEN OF HEARTS**

Are you questioning me, young lady?

**CINDERELLA**_**(surprised)**_

N-n-o. Of course not.

**QUEEN OF HEARTS**

Now are you saying I'm stupid?

**CINDERELLA**

No.

**QUEEN OF HEARTS**

Off with her head!

_(CINDERELLA screams and runs away. QUEEN OF HEARTS chases after her. SLEEPING BEAUTY and RAPUNZEL walk on together.)_

**RAPUNZEL**

Is it relaxing sleeping for 100 years?

**SLEEPING BEAUTY**

Kinda. What's it like having really long hair?

**RAPUNZEL**

It's so beautiful to have, but a curse to brush it.

**SLEEPING BEAUTY**

I bet it is. _(YAWN) _Well, I think it's time for me to go back to sleep. G'night.

**RAPUNZEL**

G'night.

_(They both walk off. LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD and HANSEL walk on together.)_

**HANSEL**

Did your grandma really get eaten by a wolf?

**LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD**

Yeah. Did you and your sister really find a house of candy?

**HANSEL**

Yes. I think she's still there, too. I still want to find her.

**LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD**

What a devoted brother!

**HANSEL**

I actually don't want to get in trouble with my mom.

**LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD**

Ah. I see.

_(They also walk off. HARLEY DAVIDSON and OPERA WINDFREY are still fighting over who has the worst job. JACK is now huddled in a different corner, and mumbling the little town song. JACK is running for his from the giant. COUNTRY BELLE and BELLE AT THE BALL are dancing together and talking in French. SLEEPING BEAUTY and RAPUNZEL are asleep. SLEEPING BEAUTY is using RAPUNZEL's hair as a blanket. HANSEL wanders off in search of his sister, and LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD sits on the ground and opens her basket that she was supposed to take to grandma's house. She eats everything inside.)_

_**THE END!!!!!!!!!**_


End file.
